Arena XXX

A friend of mine has an “open relationship” with his wife of 25 years. This, I happen to know, was not easily arrived at. Their relationship had the standard numbers of bumps and bruises along the way, same as every one’s, yet, some of these bruises may have enabled where they are now. They are both attractive people, fit, well built and intelligent. Yet, for long years they each fought their own urges to be with others. And, sometimes, they failed at this. I think the track record was twice each, actually. They separated following one episode of his indiscretion, got back together, then he returned the favor following one of hers. They really do love each other, and then did as well. They had no format or guidance for their feelings about these indiscretions, only that they were utterly impelled at one time or another to follow their erotic muse to other people, at last twice. (Later, they each confessed to another apiece.) But this was later.
Finally, as my friend told me, they sat and spoke for a long while. It turns out, they each were interested in some sexy object of attention, outside the marriage, yet, they did not know this about the other. In an ironic admission, my friend mentioned it, fully and completely, and described, honestly, his feelings of arousal for a gal who had been coming onto him and in whom he was interested. To his surprise, worrying as he was about yet another disowning of the relationship, he was amazed to hear his wife had similar feelings about a man she badly wanted as well. They then commenced talking about how these different souls had invaded their fantasies, dwelling there as they had their own sex. They both admitted seeing the other person in their mind’s eye while fucking. Oddly, to them, it was somewhat liberating to speak this way. Ultimately even more ironically, they found themselves all lathered up and proceeded to have some great sex that very night.
They spoke again the next day, some excitement around them. They made a pact to allow this to happen, in principle, to follow these impulses and to take a chance. They admitted their love for one another, embraced and, holding tight, they gave the tacit approval to one another for an affair apiece. She asked if he wanted a report. He laughed and said, “Maybe”. Well, she did want one and she vowed not to go through with hers unless he promised to tell. He promised. And, lol, he told.
And so did she. They had each had wonderfully erotic experiences, especially enjoying the relaxation they experienced in a moral sense. They had less guilt and they could experience this physical loving in a more caring and less furtive fashion. When they returned to the relationship, their stories of real sex with other people enhanced their own sex lives hugely. They had never had so much sex and they were extremely happily in love.
I am unsure as to whether this example can fit much of anyone else’s but, to me, it illustrates what love and trust can mean in a diverse world. I use them as an example of examining our own expectations. Granted, they literally stumbled into this decision and, yes, they continue to see others. But they are tight as they can be. She still gets jealous, as does he, and I suspect they would have it no other way. Possessiveness is extremely arousing, actually and this tightrope is the one they walk. I know sex is something they have immense experience with now, and in many ways, including multiple partners at once. Yet they come back, willingly and thankful for a partner who allows each their exploratory senses some room.