Arena XXX

Affairs…… there it is, the word.

Among the stresses inherent in relationships, the single most threatening concept held over every man and woman, ranking alongside money, taste, fitness, and children is the possibility that someone may find another person. That, the restlessness we all feel and seldom acknowledge, is our own cross to bear and to deal with in a disciplined and appropriate manner. In other words, the unbidden urges which we battle to repress.

I have no revolutionary input with which to solve this normal conundrum, other than to say I see any number of women I am most erotically moved by. The fact that I am not married any more does indeed make it easier. Alot easier. Yet, my “state of related” does not necessarily indicate a huge and plentiful supply of hot ladies at my doorstep. This ends up being a personal choice, on my part. Oh, Lord, I could use them….. daily….. but there have been times I would not. I have been twice married, so the situation is not odd to me in the slightest.

So what do we find when we ponder a possible affair? What are the implications and why? And what is an ideal approach?

First, answer this: “Do I want to have an affair?” If answered affirmatively, then I ask these questions next: Should it be secret or should I disclose fully my urge and my intent? (Perhaps a question revolving around what exactly an affair could accomplish would also make its appearance.)

These are cute and pertinent questions to which there are as many answers as people asking them. One would think that, on a sex site, I would advocate utter promiscuity. I definitely do not. However, one must face yet another question, in all this, which bears on a person’s responsibility to one’s self.

A lady says to herself: “Let me imagine myself on all fours in a room full of naked men, a situation I had arranged with a male friend. It is exactly what I fantasize about, this utter slutty behavior which takes place this night,. behind closed doors. I offer my lips and every fiber of my being to these gentlemen for this one moment in time, my fantasies ultimately fulfilled and myself now experiencing them in this midst of this oh so lusty adventure. The stripping before them all had been scripted, yet lost no sexy appeal whatsoever. As the men undid their trousers, I beheld them all, exposed to me and ready to use me as the object of their desire.”

Sound good? I could give the male equivalent of this as easily. The point, however, is this: “What importance do we assign our sexual fulfillment? Is sex in the way of the rest of our lives? An impediment which, as so many religious beliefs tell us, clog our sensibilities and deter our mission in life which is…… well, whatever it is. Probably, the propagation of the species. How sexy.

The utter passion we feel should inform us. It informs us that we want and need. How do we resolve these notions in relationships which do not provide them? This, my friends, is the quandary.

I speak with people all the time about this and it is a quiet and hidden dimension of stress in our lives. If there were an ideal scenario involving sex, it would allow one to do just that: Explore others as a road to sexual discovery. It can be a recreational as well as Ultimately satisfying experience. My contention is that sex is important. It is not only important for the expression of desirability and fulfillment of fantasy, an underrated aspect of our lives as we imagine ourselves among men and women of the world, but also it helps us feel desirable. What is larger? Not much, I think.

Women and men who “break out” and experience wild, kinky sex feel wanted, hugely. And alive. Especially when it is tasteful and approached maturely and with passion as well. No man or woman wants or needs to feel underwanted and this, I fear, is where the problem revolves.