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I was in San Fransisco 3 weeks ago, visiting an old friend in Santa Cruz and then a relative in “The City”, as they refer to themselves in San Fransisco. The city has always been one of intimacy, somehow, for me. I was through there once while in the military and I had a most incredible sexual experience with a friend of a friend, as it were, and then another friend, soon after; females, in my case, of course. It prepared me for understanding this rather unique place.

In the late Sixties and early Seventies, San Fransisco had the most open imagineable sexual practices. Ladies and guys would list themselves in underground newspapers under categories such as: “Wanted: Oral Sex With Men”, or “Anal Loving Woman Available 5-7 PM Nights”. They would list phone numbers and addresses! And they would find these sevices, as well, needless to say.

It is interesting as hell inasmuch as it illustrates, like so many things San Fransisco has become famous for, what is possible. Imagine a world where you could indeed pursue your desires with other consenting adults, freely and without inhibition. These would be people who had reasoned out their risk taking, who, perhaps, consulted a spouse or even their diety. The question then becomes…..”OK, is a blow job (Clinton a great example) a good thing or bad?”
or: “My husband says anal sex is the Devil’s Work. He will not go there, yet I am plagued nightly by desires that interfere with my sleep and during the day, with my work, ever since I began feeling myself there.”
or: ” I so want to try two men. I’m single, attractive and God only knows I masterbate every single night about two, or even more, guys having their way with me. Should I?” (”And how?”)

Many among us have not grown sexually at all. I maintain we can. I also believe we should, at least in terms of releasing certain fantasies which induce us and which can even torment us. I advocate “sane sex”. While the riskiness of stepping out on a spouse may actually appeal in a certain “taboo” way, I also believe there should be thoughtfulness applied to it, with the “other” borne in mind. Desires to have a neighbor, a co-worker, sexually positioned as we want them are hot as hell. Yet, they may not be remotely possible without upsetting Life as we know it and possibly ruining relationships for eternity.

I believe, as well, however, that the urges that produce these lusts for these objects of our sexual attention, can be and should be entertained. A sort of “Dance With The Devil”, as it were. What then occurs, instead of repressing these fantasies, is that they are allowed expression and we entertain them closely. We develop strategies which reinforce the seriousness of our desires, because they are extremely real, aren’t they? Porn can provide an outlet for this, and has. Masterbation is not exactly a “poll category”, yet no one needs guess that an intense and plentiful number of us go there. Sexual Freedom has many facets, one among them our own satisfactions, private and safely personal.